No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
