I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
