I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
