I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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