so that wasnt chicken after all
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize