i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
