I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
