Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
