Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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