I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
