the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
