I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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