She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
