She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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