Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's never too late to be topless.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
