shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
