Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
