I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
