Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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