Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
