Say something about gay babies.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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