I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
