She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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