my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
