just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
