Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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