She is in my trunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But theres a keg here and me gusta
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
