I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
