o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize