someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
