I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize