I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need moral support for this bender
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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