That's when you crack a 10am beer
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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