nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
