I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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