I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
People in love make me want to vomit
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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