these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize