How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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