apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
