we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
