Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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