Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
