ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
