She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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