Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize