If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
