I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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