Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
