apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
