I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
