you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize