She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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