Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
