woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
