Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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