am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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