Tell her she can't have a vagina
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
