He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
