Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
