He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
