I wanna passion pit in your ass
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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