Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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