Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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