Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
