had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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