Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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