don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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