We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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