I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You can't motorboat a personality
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
