He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
