whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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