I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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