capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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