Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
