from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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