i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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