ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
