Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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