Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God I need to hump something, right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
