how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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