12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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