Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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